Over the past month, I have read the heated discussions over Facebook and passionate pleads on the news for love and hate over the Confederate flag. What does it mean to you? I understand the love for the south. I love the south being born in Louisiana, but the Confederate flag has a little more meaning to me as a woman of color. It means bondage, slavery, inequality, and hurt to a healing race. My family still own the land we sharecropped. My roots are still intact. The crosses that were burned in my grandfather’s yard and the threats and harassment were from men holding that flag. I don’t hate the flag–just the cause.
Lately, many negative articles have surfaced about black females, which includes a report from Okcupid. According to 2009 Census, seventy percent black women are single and forty-two percent have never been married in the U.S. So, what’s the taboo?
On May 15, 2011, Satoshi Kanazawa wrote in The Scientific Fundamentalist reasons why black women are considered less attractive. He explains that black women are heavier and less intelligent. He also states, “Black women are still less physically attractive than nonblack women net of BMI and intelligence” (Kanazawa, 2011). Of course, I do not believe his research derives from a plausible source, and it bewilders me that Kanazawa’s impertinence would be posted in Psychology Today. However, I wonder how many Americans share his opinion.
At 32 years old, I admit to have dedicated my twenties to obtaining two undergraduate degrees, while serving in armed forces and law enforcement. I even started a non-profit for at-risk juveniles. I have no children and have never been married. It’s so unfortunate that romance did not co-sign on my achievements… Now, my family is beginning to wonder if my over zealous drive for success was worth the wait on love, but they fail to see that I’ve done only what I’ve been taught, “Do better that us, daughter. Make sure you prosper so your children will not go without the things we could not supply for you.” Overall, my intentions were to set the standards for the next generation, and to make my family proud. I should mention that I am the second to obtain a degree on both, my mother and father side of the family.
I’m not intentionally making them wait for a wedding ceremony; however, I’m just not willing to settle. When I say settle, I’m not looking for simply–single and employed. I want a relationship with substance and physical attraction. Realistically, there are many great black men, but unavailable for various reasons; therefore, I decided that interracial dating would be an option. However, OKCupid.com found that black women received fewer responses than any other group, even though they sent the most messages.
Honestly, I find that I’m a genuine person with a positive outlook on life. I have a fun-loving side and a silly sense of humor. One of my best qualities is truthfulness. Bethenny Frankel says it even better in her book, A Place of Yes. She writes, “Owning it is about honesty, and copping to what you’ve done or said–no matter what. Some people say I take it too far. I am the queen of TMI. I sometimes over share or say inappropriate things in part to entertain people, in part to entertain myself–it’s my strange sense of humor. In some way, it makes me feel more real…” It’s important that I stay true to myself. Moreover, I’m serious about my faith, my family, and friends.
What I am looking for in a companion is what every girl wants: tall, dark, and handsome. Although, outer appearance is the first way to get my attention, the way to keep it is intelligences, kindness, and compassion. We all deserve that special someone who will accept our small flaws, supports our dreams, and help elevate our fullest potential.
Maybe, I’ll meet that special person one day.
I entered my thirties as I entered my twenties, excited and geared towards better years to come. I never gave attention to how much I had accomplished. My daily routine had always been work, school, and home. Occasionally, I would visit Barnes and Noble for a new read or the local restaurants to enjoy new cuisines, but never too far away from home. In fact, I have never taken a leisure vacation.
Looking to market myself in the workforce, I have become a professional student, owning two degrees with one more on the way, yet I do not feel fulfilled. I’m single, childless, petless, and haven’t dated seriously in years. Still, somehow I have never felt a void until recently. Many girls grow up planning their dream wedding and imagining the space and interior of their dream home, but instead I have always dreamed on how to make a name for myself. Is this thirty and thriving?
I built my first home at twenty-three, and I have worked a professional job making decent wages over the years, but last year that came to a halt after I decided to walk away from a seven-year career. What a twist it put on my thirties and my finance. During a harsh economic low, I decided to step out on faith to find myself. I found myself asking God to help me find my way out of despair.
I never imagined I would be single at thirty, but I never imagined being married either. I have been lost in my own thoughts of prosperity rather than matters of the heart. Now, that my elevator has reached the basement, I wonder how many other single women have experienced a meltdown in their early thirties. I’m sure my elevator will go back up again, but I have a lot to think about on the way up. Maybe I should start dreaming.